This is a support group for Families and Friends of Addicts, which includes the Addicts themselves, if they so desire. As I think about FOA, I think of what the letter “F” stands for: Family, Friends, Facilitate, Frenzied, Frightened, Fitful, Failure, Finances, Fight, Flight, etc. All of these words and more FIT into the life of an Addict and those who love that Addict.

Being the mother of not one but two children who became addicted to Heroin (yes, of my seven beautiful children, I am only aware of two who took to heroin), I have experienced as many emotional highs and lows as they have experienced drug highs and lows — so much so that I was to the point that I was convinced I was the problem. Well, I had to work outside the home as they grew up, so they did not get enough mommy time and homemade cookies!

No, my husband (their dad) must be the problem. We didn’t always get along and he was out of work for a while so that did it; they felt insecure.

No, it was the schools. There we were paying tuition for them to give them a good education, but obviously they did not deliver!

No, it was the church. Yeah, that’s it, the church has been going through so much turmoil. Even though I don’t think the kids experienced any bad things, they did not believe what was being said; too much bad publicity led to the kids feeling betrayed.

No, it was the neighborhood and the house we lived in. We could not afford the new home, much less a two-story home with plenty of room for a family of nine — yes, that MUST be it!

Well, no it was wearing hand me down clothes, not the home-made clothes which dad sewed, even though we tried to convince them how much people pay for professionally made clothes, they saw right through our story.

No, wait, it was that new girl who moved in across the street. Darn, I should NEVER have asked her to babysit.

On and on, it all kept pointing back to Dad and Mom. We never should have gotten married and had all of those children! What were we thinking? Did they not see us living responsible lives? Did they not see us praying and serving others? Did they not see us getting up and going to work when we were sick in order to be responsible and pay our way? Did they not see we assigned chores to teach them responsibility? Did they not see we loved them?

Wow, we really must have failed them . Heck, none of our friends, none of the families at church, none of our co-workers talked about their kids having these problems. Heck, they all are going to college or working in successful careers. Why us, Lord?

Friends and Families of Addicts … Wednesday night, I think I will go and just tell the world how miserable I am and what a mess I made. What I found is all of those “others” with the perfect families (or their friends and neighbors) were experiencing the same thing. I found support, suggestions and education. I even learned from a few addicts themselves the “what’s,” “why’s” and truths (as well as the lies) of their addiction.So we have yet to Find the end-all cure, but we are listening, learning, Facilitating and growing. Come and share your Fears for your Family and Friends. Drugs are trying to destroy us and our loved ones, and we cannot stand by and allow it to happen. FOA is a step in the right direction; not only do we need your story, your answers and your support — you need ours.

Mary P.

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