Stronger Than My Temptations
Updated: Apr 6, 2020
Learning to Love Myself in Recovery
FOA Blog Column by Danelle Courtney Rodgers
It's amazing to me how much your mind can flip in a year's time. All my life I struggled with different addictions, it wasn't always drugs, I struggled with food and sex addictions too. All my life my mind was set in a sort of negative state, constantly, about how I thought about myself. I thought that when bad things happened to me or even around me, it was what I deserved or it was just the hand I was dealt because maybe that was my purpose on this Earth. I believed that I was born to take the brunt of abuse, to be treated like a doormat, to be ignored until someone needed something, to be talked down on...like I was just put here to try and make everyone else happy. Smh
It took me 42 years and a Hell of a lot of BS to finally realize that that just isn't so. I'm beautiful, inside and out. I have a huge heart. I'm hilarious! I'm a fighter AND a lover. I'm a good daughter, wife, mother, sister, aunt and friend. I refuse to be anyone's doormat or to cast aside my feelings just to make someone else happy. I deserve to be happy just like everyone else. I'm allowed to say 'No' without feeling guilty. I talk and cuss A LOT! But I respect those who respect me. I'm a warrior. I'm intelligent. I'm goofy and awkward. I'm fierce. I'm happy but I battle my mental health demons and will for the rest of my life, but it's a fight I'm completely committed to... because I'm worth it. I understand all my faults like being impatient, I get that, but all of these things are WHO I AM! I've made strides in my recovery from addiction and in my mental health that I'm SO proud of and have no shame in speaking it. It took a long time to realize just how strong I am and it's not something I can unlearn now that I've learned and accepted it. I'm not conceded, I'm proud of the woman I've become. I'm proud of every single battle scar I carry like badges of honor.
What I'm saying is that it's never, ever too late to teach an old dog new tricks. It's never too late to realize you deserve better. You can always keep searching and learning about yourself. Change what you're not content with. It's perfectly ok to ask for and accept help. It's perfectly ok to start loving yourself and all your quirks. Embrace it!!
Danelle Courtney Rodgers